That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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