just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
