omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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