I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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