How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
