there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
