Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
