Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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