This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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