I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
