my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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