I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
