If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize