woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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