He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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