Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
