Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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