Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
