hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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