I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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