does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
