Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
