So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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