The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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