did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
