Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
