So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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