You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
