I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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