you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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