remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
