I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
