I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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