if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
