How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
