You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
