dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
