I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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