someone threw a dead crab at me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
