there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
