he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
