omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
birth control should be required to get into college
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
