He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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