The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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