Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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