drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its not stalking. its research.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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