i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
