Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
