Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
