Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm at about main and main street
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
