I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
