I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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