My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
