you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
