Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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