I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
