there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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