it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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