i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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