Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
