The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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