soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
