I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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