Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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