i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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