my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
